


when u gps dont work

by feitan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pizza Hut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:59:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4881247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feitan/pseuds/feitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>orochimaru and kabuto just want to go to pizza hut</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

it was a bright afternoon on 6/28 when orochimaru and kabuto hopped in the car they'd stolen and made their way towards the nearest Pizza Hut, according to the gps sitting on the dashboard. it was the day of their wedding anniversary, and they always went out to lunch at pizza Hut on their anniversary.

kabuto diligently followed the directions given to him by the robotic voice of the gps. 

"turn right" it said. he turned right. 

"turn left" it said. he turned left. 

kabuto was so focused on following the directions, he didn't bother stopping at any traffic lights. at one point, just as Madara Uchiha was crossing the road, kabuto didnt stop driving and ran right into him. he kept driving. 

orochimaru looked up from his cellphone. "who was that?" he asked

"who was what?" kabuto replied.

orochimaru sighed, shoving his phone in his mouth and swallowing it whole, like the nasty, nasty man he is. "never mind."

"recalculating…" chimed the gps. 

kabuto gasped, immediately glancing towards the gps nervously. "what...?!" he said, frantically tapping on the screen. he wasn't sure what he was doing, or where he went wrong. 

"recalculating…" it said again. 

"no, no, no!!" kabuto shouted, stopping the car in the middle of the road and grabbing the gps. "this can't be!"

orochimaru looked over at the distressed kabuto. "what have you done, kabuto?" he asked. 

kabuto began to sweat ferociously. he was so embarrassed. "I.... i don't know!!!" he said. 

"recalculating…"

a line of cars began to form behind them, all of their horns honking repeatedly. orochimaru was getting impatient. he put a gentle hand on kabuto's shoulder. "leave this to me" he said. 

 

he then extended his neck, breaking open the roof of the car. he turned his head to face the cars behind them. 

"SILENCE!!" he shouted. the horns stopped. 

he turned back to the front, his head now like 800 feet in the air. he scanned the horizon until he spotted the nearest Pizza Hut. 

back inside the car, his hand pointed in the direction of the restaurant. kabuto floored it. They were off. 

but alas, orochimaru's neck was still extended 800 feet outside the car, and his head was thus thrown back with the velocity of the car. he screamed, head flapping in the wind, but kabuto did not hear him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry kakashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasnt planning on writing more of this but hey plans change

two hours later, kabuto found himself standing outside of the car in the pizza hut parking lot. he had set himself to the task of pulling orochimaru’s extended neck back inside of the car. he hated when it got stuck like that. people always gave them weird looks. 

“almost done, lord orochimaru!” kabuto shouted in the direction of orochimaru’s head, 25 feet in the air. he yanked one last yank, successfully pulling the rest back through the hole in the roof of the car. kabuto stepped back and brushed his hands together, admiring his work.

“thank you, kabuto,” orochimaru said, finally managing to retract the rest of his neck. he got out of the car and grabbed kabuto’s hand. “let’s go, darling.”

kabuto nodded and led them towards the entrance of the establishment. when they reached the door, kabuto held it open for his beloved significant other and employer. once inside, they did not wait for a hostess to seat them and instead sat down at a table on their own.

not long after they’d sat down, a waiter materialized in a cloud of smoke in front of their booth. “welcome to pizza hut,” he said. “my name’s kakashi.”

the two looked at this strange man, expecting him to ask if he could get them anything to drink, or something like that. he didn’t, so they just kept staring until kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke once more. 

“the service here is terrible,” orochimaru remarked as the sound of someone getting thrown into a wall resounded from the kitchen. 

suddenly, the waiter, kakashi appeared in a cloud of smoke once more. this time, he was sweating through his mask and trembling slightly. he nervously glanced towards the kitchen before asking “could i get you two anything to drink?”

kabuto opened his mouth to reply, but orochimaru cut him off. “two diet dr peppers, please.”

kabuto stared at him in absolute horror. of all the terrible and inhumane things he had witnessed orochimaru do, this was by far the worst. everybody knows diet dr pepper tastes awful. he wondered if orochimaru’s ability to extend his tongue to such great lengths had messed with his taste buds. that would be the only logical reasoning behind this. 

“i... will have those right out for you,” kakashi mumbled before dematerializing again.

the next thing kabuto knew, a wallet was being shoved into his hands. 

“hide this quickly,” orochimaru hissed. “i stole it from that waiter.”

kabuto’s eyes widened as he shoved the wallet into his GG Marmont Leather Shoulder Bag. maybe now he would be able to pay for their meal! 

meanwhile in the kitchen, kakashi stood at attention before his boss, tsunade.

“did you ask them what they wanted to drink THIS time, kakashi?” she demanded.

kakashi gulped and nodded rapidly, not daring to speak again. the pain that shot down his spine reminded him of when she threw him into the wall 2 minutes prior. 

“good,” tsunade said, extending her hand out, palm up. “now give me $40.”

kakashi jumped and hurriedly dug into his ninja pockets for his wallet. when he felt nothing, his heart stopped.

“well?!” tsunade snapped, beginning to tap her foot on the ground impatiently.

“i m-must have left my wallet at home…” kakashi stammered as some of his sweat dripped onto the floor. 

the last thing he saw before he blacked out was a fist rapidly making its way to his face.


End file.
